From: Dave Rudge <daverudge@start.com.au>
To: tracy@jesus-is-lord.com <tracy@jesus-is-lord.com>
Subject: my testimony and another question!!!
Date: Thursday, March 07, 2002 7:11 AM

Dear Tracy

...now here is my testimony: i type this up a couple of months after it
happend and havent bothered to alter it yet cuase, since it has
happend i sometimes cant remember exactly what happend and then i can
soetimes remember it very well, so since it was fresh in my mind back
then i figure i shall let the testimony speak for itself. it is
totally true as to what happend to me..........

Testimonial By David Rudge

This is the true story of the event that change my life forever.  I
urge you to read it all and think about it before you just dismiss it
or try to explain it away with a 'logical' explanation.  I promise you
not a single word contained herein is false.  This is exactly what
happened to me, nothing added, nothing exagerrated and nothing
imagined.

On September the 9th 1999 (9/9/99) the so called once in a lifetime
date when something weird was supposed to be in the air and basically
nothing happend in the world, something happend to me.
At about 2pm my friend xxxxx came over to my house after he finished
work early and we were gonna spend the afternoon watching a video and
having a couple of drinks and smoke some cones.
Which at the time was a groovy thing to do.  After he arrived we
smoked a cone each but I only had a half cone mainly because I had
only what could be described as an odd feeling to not have anything to
smoke.  But after a little persuasion I agreed to have a cone, but
only a small one.  Now before I continue a little history:  Ever since
my marriage failed I started smoking pot rather heavily and would
smoke between a half and a full stick in a night, so before you think
it was a drug induced hallucination get this straight,  I had only
smoked that one half cone and I was straight before I smoked it cause
I hadnt smoked since the weekend and before you suggest it was
stronger stuff than I was used to, it was the exact same stuff I had
been smoking for months, and anyone you know that smokes can testify
to the fact that when you get used to some gear ya gotta smoke more of
it to get blitzed!!

After the cones we sat down to watch the video.  I didnt wanna have
any bourbon at that point so I grabbed a glass of water instead.  As
the starting credits for the movie had started I was feeling a little
uncomfortable and I didnt know why.  xxxxx was telling me to read the
names of all the people invovled in making the movie we were about to
watch, so as the credits were still going he was talking I was sitting
there feeling a bit strange and then it happend...  I felt something
enter into my mind, a presence, and it came over me quickly (It was
really a demon that had invaded my body).  Then I suddenly got
'revelation' about life.  I cant explain it properly though, I didnt
hear anything but I had aquired new knowledge and I just 'knew' it.  I
had the knowledge that I wasnt really alive anymore but was actually
dead and was in my own personal hell.  I 'knew' that my friend was
really an angel sent to save me (before I continue I will mention that
this was just part of the demon's deception).  I looked at him and
said 'I just worked it all out' and he looked at me and was scared of
me and from that point was trying to keep away from me (I didnt know
at the time why but after this had all happend he told me that he
could see something evil in my face, my eyes were just black and the
look was complete evil).  So he got up and ran to the front door and
went outside so I followed him and when we were there a voice said to
me 'His will be the last face you see'.  I didnt know what to think
about that so I grabbed his hand on the lawn and started shaking his
hand and I 'knew' it was time to leave this existence.  I said to my
friend 'Okay I'm ready' and he tried to pull himself away from me, but
to me it was like I was being pulled up and although my eyes were wide
open everything just went completely white and I felt like I was
rushing through the white/light and then I heard a voice say 'What
about Luke?'.  Within a second of hearing that I snapped back and the
white/light pulled back into nothing and I could see I was back out
the front of my old flat.  I asked the voice 'Yeah, what about Luke?'
and then it went from bizarre to evil.

(before I continue I should mention that I have 3 kids: James, Luke
and Lauren.  Luke has some form of autism, which prevents him from
comprehending most of anything unfortunately)

Now before I asked the question 'Yeah, what about Luke?' I was feeling
fantastic I felt great, better than i had ever felt in my life to be
honest, but once I asked the question everything took a turn for the
worse.  A voice said 'He will be staying here, he doesnt know God'  or
something to that effect and I said 'what can I do?' the voice said
'If you want him to go to heaven you have to go to hell in his place'
I was petrified I could only think about my son, I didnt want him to
go there, I love him.  So with out even thinking about it I tensed up,
I said to my friend 'I can do it for Luke'.  At this point my friend
wanted to knock me out cause he was scared stiff of me, I couldnt tell
what was really going on in my mind, but all I did know was that I was
absolutely not going to let my son go to hell.  At this point another
voice piped up, but the demon was getting very loud and I could barely
hear what the other voice was saying.  The demon was starting to get
angry and was being very forceful and started filling my mind with
more 'revelation' it was overloading me with knowledge (all false info
by the way but hey I didnt know any better at the time) and I cant
really explain the stuff it was telling/revealing to me because
thankfully I have forgotten all of it now except for a few things but
they wouldnt make any sense to you so I wont bother going into it.
Meanwhile the other voice in my head was still repeating itself while
the demon was confusing me and then it changed tactics and tried to
convince me that my best friend was planning on murdering me.  He was
scared to death of me and now I was scared to death of him!!  Now my
friend had managed to get into his car and leave so I was going back
inside my unit to go lay down and get away from him, then he came back
around the corner and I just yelled at him and told him to get away
from me, which he wisely did.  Then I went inside my flat and locked
myself in.

I was inside my flat and after checking that my friend had left the
demon said 'Go to sleep, you have time for one more dream'.  Now after
that I realised that today was the day I was going to die.  So I went
and laid down in bed and started to try and sleep, but I was trying to
think of what my last dream would be.  I started to feel my life go
out of me and I got scared so I got back up and was walking around.
This annoyed the demon and it once again hammered me with false
'revelation'. It said that no matter what, after you die you go to
hell AND heaven, but we get to choose where we go first, and it was
trying its hardest to convince me to go to hell first to get it over
with.  It heaped on alot more 'revelation' and I caved into its desire
and allowed it to take me with it.  Meanwhile the other voice is still
talking to me but now I am beginning to hear it clearly.

Everything went black (my eyes were open by the way) and I could feel
that I was travelling through the black/darkness to a very distant
very lonely place.  The closer I got to it the worse It was, I could
feel it getting nearer, The other voice was still talking to me and I
could understand what it was saying now and the demon started to get
VERY loud.  Finally I was at a point of no return. I was just on the
outside of hell, it's hard to explain but I was still physically alive
and connected to the real world although spiritually I was right at
the gate of hell.  I knew that if I went throught the 'barrier' I
could sense before me (I couldnt see anything it is blacker than black
there, absolutely no light) that would have been the end of my life.
I would have been in hell forever.  I was scared beyond my own
understanding.  The demon was screaming at me, to try and get me to
decide to go into hell, trying to make me willing go in, because I was
still alive it couldnt just throw me in there, I still had a choice. 
I was so scared that my heart was racing I could feel that at any
moment it would have just stopped beating and I would have died and
then the demon could have just thrown me in.  My time was running out,
my life was almost over, I was scared to the point of death, the demon
was trying to scare me more because it knew if my pyshical body would
die then it would have won.  

Hell is worse than you could possibly fathom.

This is the best description of hell I can give you and it still
doesnt quite give you a decent picture but whatever you can imagine
from the following description, I can tell you it is much WORSE:

It is endlessly black/dark, absolutely no light.
You are completely isolated, left completely alone.
You know exactly why you are there, your choices in life are revealed
to you, you know that the only person to blame is yourself.
There are absolutely no positive emotions there, every good feeling is
gone, all you are left with are the negative emotions: Fear, Hate,
Remorse, Guilt, Anger etc
Because you know it was your own fault, all those negative emotions
are directed back at yourself, but because you are completely cut off,
those emotions are raw and about 1 billion times worse than you've
ever experienced them here on earth.
You TORMENT yourself.  You are your own worse enemy.
It will last FOREVER, never ending and you will NEVER forgive
yourself.

I deserved to go to hell, I admit it.  It is truly horrifying there.
I cannot explain it any better than as I just did but I can tell you
something right now: You do NOT want to go there.

I knew then I did not want to be there forever.  I made the choice, I
wanted to live.  The demon was beckoning me, but I said 'No, I dont
want to go'

Some force was keeping me pyshically alive, I know that without a
doubt, being that close to hell should have killed me, I should have
died from the shock and the horror.  I know that the force that was
keeping me alive was from God.  And the calm voice that was repeating
itself all through this was also from God. Now I started to really
listen to the voice I was taking it's words to heart, I was beginning
to really understand the words.  The more I listened to the voice and
the words the more I trusted the voice. The more I trusted the voice,
the more I believed the voice.  Then I started crying out to the
voice, I wanted to be with the voice and when that happend *BANG* I
was pulled away from hell and came back to the world and could see
through my eyes again and I knew I was safe again.  But then I took my
focus of the voice and the demon would once again drag me back to the
darkness of hell, but then I would listen to the voice and I would get
pulled away from hell and back to my flat.  This went on for hours.
Back n forth, back n forth, non stop, every time I stopped listening
to the voice I got dragged back to hell, but I never got anywhere near
as close as I did at that one time.  While this was happening I
managed to drive my car (!!!) to my mothers house and I spent the
night there.  The demon was tormenting me on the way to her house, and
then constantly until about 9:30 that night.  I eventually went to
sleep but for the following few nights I couldnt sleep without the
lights on.

My dear sister Wendy is a Born Again Christian and has been for years,
I used to mock her, thinking she was a fool, I never really believed
in God or the Devil until all this had happend.  I went and saw her
the next day, I explained what happend, she told me a few things, then
she prayed for me.  On the following Sunday, the 12th of September
1999 I went to her Church and dedicated myself and gave my life to
Christ.  I have submitted to him and now live my life for him,  I will
never ever turn back to my old way of life.

You may have read this and been wondering what the voice of God was
telling me during all this, well I will tell you now, God knows the
hearts of all people, He knows our innermost thoughts and secrets,
nothing is hidden from him even if you dont believe in him.  He knows
that I like birds alot, so what did he say to save me from myself???

"WHAT IS THE SOUND OF THE SONG THE BIRDS ARE SINGING?

IT IS THE NAME OF THE SON OF GOD.

AND WHO IS THE SON OF GOD?

IT IS JESUS CHRIST, OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR"

It amazes me that God would take the time to protect someone that
doesnt even believe in him, that he would care about where I spent
eternity. Even after everything that I had done before, He still Loves
me and still wanted to have me with him.  I will never forget.

I now understand that it isnt God that send people to hell, it's the
person themselves.  Dont be fooled
God isnt in heaven pointing an accusing finger at you, he has his hand
out to you, beckoning you to come back to Him.  He loves us.  He wants
us to have a personal relationship with him.  He wants us to trust
Him.  He wants us to believe Him.  But if we wont accept God into our
lives then we are saying that we dont need him, which in turn means we
would rather die forever, than live forever.
Some people think that they can do whatever they want in life then on
their deathbed say sorry to God and make their peace with him. Which
if that happens is fine and dandy, but let me ask you a question:
When are you going to die??? Do you know the exact day, hour and
minute or circumstances?? God does, You dont.

JESUS died for me, you and everyone.  Every single sin has been
forgiven, but unless we are willing to see the truth, unless we are
willing to admit we cant really make it for ourselves, unless we are
willing to accept him and his sacrifice and unless we are willing to
submit to his Perfect and Good will we condemn ourselves, and there is
no second chance.  It's your choice, and my choice, no-one can choose
for you, no-one can talk you into it or out of it. You decide for
yourself.  I made my choice and it was easy after what happend, how
about you?? What is your choice?

I could now go on to tell you that since I decided to trust Him that I
can now see everything more clearly, I have new understanding of life
and about all the good things that the Lord has already done for me,
but that isnt my purpose here.  But I can tell you I have never ever
been this happy in my life prior to this and before I took that first
leap of faith and trusted Him enough to be in my life, I didnt realise
how deceived we all are in the world.  We see yet dont see, we hear
yet dont hear.

Believe in Him.  Trust Him.  Submit to Him.  Have the Faith in Him and
let him open your eyes to REALITY.

Truthfully yours,

David Rudge